Do you sometimes feel like you’re swimming through syrup? – it’s tough and a genuine slog – having low self-esteem is equivalent to living your life like this.
Self-esteem is created on how you feel about yourself. Are you loveable? Are you capable?
Developing a healthy self-esteem is solely your responsibility. No one else can do it for you, and no one can take it away from you. You have the power. If you get it right, it will become your superpower!
Confusion reigns by what you think and what others say, building up stories of yourself, which are often to your detriment. You believe them to be true and may fall into victim-mode believing these narratives define you. “I’m fat, stupid, lazy, crazy etc.” What do you say about yourself? These labels you assign yourself become so habitual and ingrained that you may even do them unconsciously, flooding your thoughts with negative self-talk. Is it any wonder that your self-esteem reduces?
If you feel trapped with low self-esteem, it’s time to change this mindset. It’s a solo task and requires no physical tools or change in environment, simply an adjustment to your thoughts about yourself. You are worthy. You are loveable. You are capable.
You make mistakes, absolutely. You fail, absolutely. You are still loveable, absolutely!
Imagine yourself as a toddler, how would you talk to that little version of yourself? You would likely be kind, encouraging, compassionate and understanding. You wouldn’t berate yourself for not being able to do something, you would simply keep trying until you succeeded. If you had given up, you would be unable to tie your shoelaces or eat with a knife and fork, and yet you are fully capable of these tasks now.
It’s time to create new mantras for yourself. Review your thoughts about yourself. What negative thought patterns have your cultivated? Pick one.
For example: “I am useless.”
Is this true? Honestly? When have your proved it not to be true? Think of at least ten times when this is not the case i.e., I provide love to my family; I am able to smile at a stranger which improves their day; I manage my daily life etc.
Now reframe your thought: “I have so much to offer to myself and others.”
Which thought feels better? Which thought serves you better?
Byron Katie, an American speaker, and author, has formalized a method of self-inquiry known as ‘The Work’ which extends this approach to four questions namely:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it to be true?
- How do you react when you believe that thought? In other words, how to do you feel emotionally and physically?
- Who would you be without this thought?
You can apply these questions to your thoughts about yourself and others, as well as situations.
Ultimately, you are in complete control of your inner being. You have the power to change your state of mind by changing your thoughts. You have the power to improve your self-esteem by improving your thoughts. Notice, it’s your thoughts about yourself, not your actions or way of being that have changed. You may want to make changes, but growing your self-esteem it starts with changing your thoughts, believing in yourself, and loving your whole self.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Louise L. Hay
Start today, one thought at a time. It’s a process. You are possibly untangling years of negative self-talk and unfounded beliefs about yourself. Be your own best friend.
It’s not that difficult, it’s that simple.
If you are finding this difficult to do and need help, let’s chat.
Claire Louise
WhatsApp 082 876 359 or email clairelouise@clairelouise.co.za.